Why are you here?
by Queen of Fairyland
Summary: Rodney gets sent back to Earth. He hasn't got much to say about it.


"I think it's for the best," Kate said to him softly as he stared blankly at some point on the wall over her shoulder. He nodded mindlessly as she continued speaking, not really listening to what she was saying.

Eventually she seemed to realise he was no longer listening to her - more so than usual - and left with a promise to return to see him later. He saw her give a cursory nod to the marines stationed outside the door before it snapped shut leaving him alone in his quarters.

Sighing, he stood up and walked over to his desk and sat down in front of his laptop where the equations he'd been working on to increase power efficiency in the city were still on the screen. He got to work quickly, trying to make use of his time as best he could.

He lost himself in the numbers and symbols for hours.

He didn't notice when the door opened again a few hours later until Carson closed his laptop and placed a tray of food down on the table.

"I brought you some dinner, Rodney," he said with a broad smile. Usually Rodney would have said something mocking about Carson's pathetically translucent false cheer. Carson's smiled faltered when he didn't.

He pulled up the other chair sitting by the desk and sat down next to Rodney, grabbing his hand when he reached out to open the laptop and continue working.

"You need to eat something Rodney," Carson said seriously, all pretence of a smile now vanished. "Need to keep up your strength, for the tr-ip," he voice broke on the last word.

Rodney imagined he would usually have felt a small ounce of satisfaction at that.

* * *

Elizabeth brought him his breakfast the next morning, placing the tray where Carson had put his diner the night before, after scraping the untouched meal into the trash with a look of concern on her face.

"Pancakes this morning Rodney," she told him with a smile. He didn't even bother lifting his head from his arms where they rested on his desk; where he'd fallen asleep not more than two hours ago. "You must be hungry by now Rodney," she said beseechingly, "You haven't eaten anything since… since Kate spoke to you yesterday morning. And barely anything for weeks before that."

Rodney didn't move.

* * *

When Radek came by with his lunch and told him Carson was talking about hooking up to an IV if he kept refusing to eat he shrugged his indifference.

He listened as Radek prattled on about the incompetence of the scientists in the lab, about the eternal irritation that was Kavanaugh and how it was far to quiet without Rodney there.

After he had left Rodney glanced down at the plate on his desk. It was a turkey sandwich.

He picked it up and took a bite.

* * *

When Carson came by in the evening he wasn't alone. His other guest remained by the door while Carson spoke with him, but he could feel his eyes on him the entire time.

Carson was very pleased that Rodney had eaten lunch and repeatedly praised him for it. Rodney nodded, trying to keep his attention fixed on his computer screen, all the while feeling eyes boring into the back of his neck.

When Rodney showed no interest in the dinner he had brought Carson was less pleased, but didn't say anything.

"I'll just leave it here in case you change your mind," he said. Rodney kept his eyes on the screen as Carson left. He turned round at the last minute and caught Major Sheppard's concerned gaze before the door closed him in.

* * *

Kate visited again the next day.

"I know this is difficult for you Rodney, but you have to talk to us," she said softly. "How can I know what you're feeling if you won't talk?" she asked him reasonably. He shook his head, it wouldn't make any difference, he wasn't feeling anything. She sighed in resignation when he didn't say anything and continued her one-sided conversation.

"Lieutenant Ford and Teyla have offered to come over today and help you pack," she informed him. He had already thought about packing, but had vetoed the idea when he realised that they'd be unlikely to let him keep any of the important stuff anyway. Not where he was going. "Would you like that Rodney?" she asked. He shrugged in response and began staring at the wall over her shoulder. She seemed to take this as her cue to leave and shortly departed, with a promise to come and speak to him before he left tomorrow.

* * *

Teyla and Ford did come round later on, just before lunch. Teyla greeted him with a polite 'Good morning Doctor McKay' and Ford with a casual 'All right Doc?' before they swept in to his quarters and began folding his clothes neatly and placing them in a bag.

For the most part they worked quietly away and whilst he ignored them. He heard Teyla question Ford at some point about his silence.

"Heightmeyer thinks it's some kind of delayed reaction. Shock," Ford explained to her.

Teyla stayed behind after Ford left and sat down next to him at his desk.

"You only became silent after they told you that you were to be sent back," she stated. "You are not silent because of what happened, it is because they are making you leave," she clarified. He looked up into her eyes, so full of understanding that he had to close his.

She put a hand on each of his arms and leant in and touched their foreheads together. They remained that way as she spoke.

"I voiced my opinion that you should remain here; that Atlantis is your home and you would recover best here. They would not listen. I'm sorry," she said with conviction. He opened his eyes as she pulled away and traced her hand over his cheek.

Rodney watched her as she left, glancing at him sorrowfully as the door opened for her.

Once she'd gone he raised his hand to his cheek and belatedly realised she'd been wiping away his tears.

* * *

The next morning he showered and dressed, sat on the end of his bed and waited.

At nine the doors opened and Kate and Elizabeth entered, Carson trailing behind them.

"Time to go Rodney," Kate said with a tight smile. Elizabeth and Carson remained silent.

He followed Elizabeth and Kate to the control tower, Carson at his side with his hand resting lightly on Rodney's elbow, the marines following discreetly behind.

They led him down the steps and down in front of the Stargate. Teyla, Ford and Radek stood there waiting, and Elizabeth and Carson fell in with them.

They each took it in turn to hug him and murmur goodbyes, apologies and promises to visit to him. When they were finished and he reached the end of the line the Major was standing there looking at him with a seemingly neutral expression that was betrayed by the seriousness in his eyes.

"Looks like more people liked you than you'd think, eh McKay?" he asked lightly, nodding to the control room and the balcony above, which now he mentioned it, Rodney noticed were filled with unnecessary amounts of staff. He glanced back at Sheppard and felt the corner of his mouth twitch slightly.

He took a step forward and looked at Rodney sadly.

"I tried to tell them that you had to stay. That it'd break you if they made you leave," he said quietly. "But they couldn't hear me."

"It's okay," he responded reassuringly, feeling worried gazes fall upon him as he spoke. Sheppard smiled in relief and patted him on the arm.

"C'mon Rodney," Kate said from behind him, steering him by the elbow to the now open Stargate, he must have missed that while he was talking to Sheppard.

He looked hesitantly at the event horizon and glanced to his right where Sheppard was standing.

"Let's get this show on the road," he said before stepping through, Rodney followed him.

* * *

Rodney sat cross-legged on the floor and played with the hem of his white trousers.

"Why are you here?" he asked Sheppard quietly, without looking up.

"I couldn't let you come back on your own, who else would put up with the whining?" he joked.

"Why are you here?" he asked again.

"I just-"

"That Wraith fed on you," he said quietly, looking up at Sheppard's still youthful face.

"Yes," he nodded. "Didn't kill me though," he said defensively.

"No," Rodney answered. "That was me, I shot you." He screwed his eyes shut, trying to block out the resulting memory of the sound of the bullet embedding itself in layers of flesh and bone.

"Yes."

Rodney stared over Sheppard's shoulder at the white wall beyond it.

"Why are you here?" he asked again.

"I'm not. Not really," John said quietly.

"I know," Rodney answered, looking back down at his trouser hem and pulling at a stray thread, "I know."

* * *

**_First ever Atlantis fic here... so please review and let me know what you thought!_**

**_Thanks for reading!_**


End file.
